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Michele-lee Phelan

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Random Bits No. 3 [May. 14th, 2008|08:54 am]
- *insert HUGE grin here* I have just discovered the absolute most amazing way to end my morning's exercise routine, and no, I'm not saying how, but let's just say that it's something that could improve my emotional and mental health in other ways too.

- I'm starting to notice little changes. As mentioned yesterday my boobs have begun to shrunk, but I've also begun to lose size in other places too - my maiden, mother, crone pendant which usually sits high around my throat like a choker has dropped to the base of my throat, while the cush is also starting to shift from around my lower back and sides.

- My sleep patterns are improving, although the number of dreams has increased. I spend a good part of the night on adventures I'm not remembering in the morning. My energy levels are also increasing.

- Despite the fact that I've just about completed forty-five paintings based upon greek mythology, I find myself thinking that I will be continuing to add to the gallery. There are other gods, goddesses, and mythological beings I wish to add. I've never been too keen on the way Medusa was portrayed and would love to depict her in a gentler manner, and then there is Hecate ... I find that my focus has changed over the last few months. I find I'm connecting with the Greek Pantheon far more than I do the Celtic. Gaia and Hecate sing to me in ways that Brigid and Morrighan do not.

- I'm disgustingly happy that my sis, Mande, is happy and that all is going so well for her right now.
link3 tales|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Chiron [May. 13th, 2008|02:38 pm]


Title: Chiron
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: Healing

And then there were four.
link12 tales|tell a tale

Random Bits No. 2 [May. 13th, 2008|08:40 am]
- The originals of DarkBringer and Never Alone are now safe in their new homes, while Priestess of the Moon Temple is now packed and ready to leave for the same destination. I adore the fact that all three paintings are in a house where they will be loved by a wonderful woman who has connected with the magick of each painting.

- My boobs are shrinking, and sadly they are shrinking at a rate faster than my waistline. I can see some 'pear' days ahead, but I must say that my back is starting to feel a lot more 'sound' since I started doing ab, lower back, and oblique exercises.

- A 'hot water bottle' has been placed in Knot's tank three times a day until we can get a larger heat mat for him. It seems to have worked, so much so that my partner found Knot curled up on top of it early yesterday morning. The hot water bottle has been in there for two days now, so I am going to try and feed him in a little bit.

- Chiron is nearly finished, and I love the colours and sense of peace this painting projects.

- I need breakfast.

Edited to add: The hot water bottle approach has worked with Knot. He's just eaten for the first time in almost three weeks. I feel quite relieved now, knowing that it is just the temperature that's behind his lack of appetite. Now, if a new heat mat does not work, then I will just let him hibernate without stressing too much. After all, hibernation is all just a part of being a reptile.

Re-edited to add: He's just had a second larger pinkie. He's such a good boy.
link2 tales|tell a tale

Random Bits [May. 12th, 2008|08:23 am]
- Kitty is outside chirping and cheeping up a storm as he talks to the other galahs in the neighbourhood. It sometimes makes me feel a little sad when I see how excited he becomes when other galahs are around. I know he wants to be free, flying with his kin.

And yet, I also know he is happy here with us. The love he give us is undeniable. We have become his surrogate, flightless flock.

- We cannot seem to keep Knot's tank warm enough. The temps simply fall too low overnight for us to maintain an ideal ambient temperature. It looks like he's going to hibernate regardless of whether we want him to or not. He's healthy and shiny, and still active at night, but he's not interested in food.

- Hissifuss is also preparing for hibernation. He's got a heat lamp so he still comes out to sun himself, but the feed he had last eve will be his last for the next several months. It is sleep time for my big, beautiful blue-tongue.

- I've lost another belt notch on my waistline. That makes two notches in the last four weeks. Progress is at last being made.

- I'm in need of a holiday from painting. One week, that is all I ask for. Almost only four paintings to go.
link4 tales|tell a tale

[May. 11th, 2008|07:01 pm]
So, guess what I did today? I had lunch with Cassandra Eason, author of innumerable esoteric books, and awe-inspiring woman. I liked her. She's a very plain-spoken lady and says what she thinks with a directness that is quite refreshing. I'm quite surprised that I did not find her intimidating, but in truth, she reminded me of my grandmother. She is a very wise woman and wisewoman.

I'm thinking that we will stay in touch.

And I got to see the beautiful and intriguing She D'Montford again. There is something about that woman I find so fascinating. She is so sensual, and in truth she reminds me of a cat. I cannot tell you how sweet she's been to me. Knowing that I have her support is a blessing.

After I came home, I found myself reflecting upon the changes in my life over the last year again. If I was to trace each step back to where it began, there would be two moments that served to change my life. The first moment was when I made the choice to turn back to my faith as the main inspiration for my art instead of 'fantasy', and the second moment was when the wild and magickal Lucy Cavendish came into my life.

I cannot begin to express how truly grateful I am to Lucy. She might not realise it, but she's taught me a lot. I find that I am still nervous of meeting people, and I don't like travelling by myself, but I'm not as afraid of talking to people as I used to be. I still get nervous butterflies, but I no longer feel like I want to hide.

It's only through meeting Lucy, and having her drag me out of seclusion, her putting the spotlight on me -- often when I'm least expecting it or wanting it -- that I have learned not to hide from the attention that others give me. She dragged me out, and then demanded that I be independant, and I think that's what I'm learning to do -- be independant.

Blush, now that's something I still do. Stammer and stumble with my words when having to speak in front of a group; that's something I still do too. But I find that I can now talk one on one to most people with ease.

And yet there is still a big, huge kernal of shyness at the very core. I'm just learning not to let it overwhelm me anymore.

I can now contemplate hopping on a train and travelling to the city by myself. *laughs* I'm not necessarily going to enjoy the experience, but I know I can do it. A year ago, I would not have done it. The very idea would have terrified me. As would the notion of actually ringing the editor of a magazine to organise meeting up with a famous author for lunch.

And yet that is exactly what I did last week, and today that step led to a very interesting meeting which could have a rather magickal outcome. I think the next years of my life are going to be quite amazing.

I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to She introducing me as her 'favourite covergirl' though. That's just too surreal and bizarre.

Anyways ... wonderful day.

Thank you, Lucy. I'm still finding my wings, but you've played a big part in instilling the confidence I needed to find before I could leave the nest. I'm now looking forward to learning to fly. Love you, beautiful woman. xxx

xxxxx
link1 tale|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Odysseus [May. 10th, 2008|01:32 am]


Title: Odysseus
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics, coloured pencil, and digital
Represents: The Journey

Odysseus' journey began with the fall of Troy. *wry grin* I'm starting to feel for him and understand how he must have felt when Poseidon made it difficult for him to return home. With five to go I am beginning to feel as if this journey will never end myself.

Five to go.
link1 tale|tell a tale

Today's To Do List [May. 9th, 2008|11:09 am]
- Exercise
- Feed the birds and sort out the dilemma of Knot's overly cold tank
- Answer emails
- Get quote for Airbrush
- Organise seeing Cassandra Eason on weekend
- Finish Odysseus
link

Addiction [May. 9th, 2008|08:28 am]
I've just come home from my early morning walk. I walk or go for a ride on my bike most mornings now in order to get some of the cuddle off my body and keep my mind healthy. I found I was starting to have little 'blue' episodes more regularly so to keep them at bay I realised that I needed to start moving. I'm quite proud of myself right now because I usually exercise for about a week to ten days and then start finding excuses. I've been going for over a month now and I've discovered that if I do it before I turn the computer on of a morning I will do it.

Which leads me to the subject of this post -- addiction.

It's funny how, for me, one addiction always replaces another. I am someone with a predisposition towards addiction and I always manage to find myself a 'crutch'. Twenty years ago it was a mix of dancing, binge eating, alcohol, speed and other not so nice substances. Fifteen years ago, the dancing and binging had stopped, and the drug and alchol use had been replaced with a chronic addiction to nicotine and caffiene. I had kicked the drugs and booze, but instead I was smoking between thirty and sixty cigarettes a day and drinking up to ten cups of coffee a day. Eleven years ago, the smoking stopped. I have not had a single cigarette during that time. I also developed a bit of a problem where caffiene is concerned and now I can only have one cup of coffee every couple of days or it triggers my anxiety attacks.

With no drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes, and only a little bit of caffiene you think I'd be able to say that I am free of addiction. If you believe that, then you are wrong.

One of the things that made me realise that I was a sad addict when I smoked was the fact that the first thing I reached for in the morning was my cigarettes. I could not function until I had smoked at least three cigarettes and finished at least one cup of coffee. That was how my day began. That was how every single day began for almost fifteen years. I would shake if I didn't have that first smoke. The DT's would take over and I would twitch and jerk. My mood swings were another indicator. I could turn feral on a dime if I'd gone too long between smokes; anything longer than twenty minutes would be enough to make me a dangerous person to be around.

When I gave up smoking, I suffered from asthma attacks, cold sweats, delerium tremens, paranoia, depression, anxiety, nausea, and diarrhea. I was taken to hospital with anxiety attacks because I could not breathe and thought I was dying. In fact, I could have died as I was unaware that asthma attacks can be quite common during the giving up process because a person's breathing changes. We breathe less deeply, taking less oxygen into our lungs. Hence the asthma attacks.

I had a particularly rough time giving up because I became addicted to nicotine during puberty. I was told that many doctors believe that taking up smoking during a time when so many 'changes' are occurring can result in nicotine being hardwired into the body, i.e. the body sees it as a necessary chemical and when it is no longer present it can do more harm than it would usually. My doctor was not pleased with me when I gave up cold turkey and threw my body into chaos, but for me that's the only method that works. I have to do things the hard way or I find ways to get around it.

So, I gave up smoking. What could I possibly find myself addicted to if I no longer drink, smoke, do drugs, or drink coffee?

The Internet.

I've had access to the Internet now for almost ten years. During that time, I have put on a whopping 60lbs due to my not moving as much. I don't overeat, but nor do I move, and my metabolism has been totally fried by eating disorders, drug addiction, smoking and hormone imbalances. Despite that, I'm ridiculously healthy. I never get sick - I've not had a cold or flu for almost seven years. I've been physically ill twice during that time, get the occassional headache from tension, and the occassional bout of hayfever, but other than that ... nothing. My doctor has to send me letters to remind me to come in and have a checkup because I never need him at any other time.

I do however, have high blood pressure due to my weight.

I have a weight problem, because I don't move.

I don't move because the first thing I do in the morning is turn on the computer and go online. I cannot function until I've checked my mail, visited my forum, visited DeviantArt, and several other haunts. Usually by then, it's after nine in the morning, I've still not had breakfast, and by the time that I do, it's time to start work for the day.

And so, I evade and avoid exercising. I dodge around the necessity by procrastinating and/or finding something else that must be done, and that something usually involves my computer and the Internet.

I'm addicted to the Internet, and that addiction is probably not going to be one that I am willing to kick because the Internet is where a good part of my business is derived, but as I lay in bed this morning I may have stumbled upon the perfect way to change.

I plan on replacing one addiction with another. You see, most psychological addictions are based on repetitive behaviours. It became a habit to go online first thing in the morning, so now it's something I do every day without even thinking about it, and I find I have a real need to be online at least several times a day. Going online during the day is not an problem as it gets me out of my corner and gives me an often needed break from painting. It's the fact that I head for my computer every morning before I've got the sleep out of my eyes.

So, I've decided to try and rewire my brain. For the last month and a bit I've started my day with isometric exercises and a ride or walk. It's now the first thing I do. I don't even enter the room where my computer is set up. I do the isometrics in my bedroom as soon as my feet hit the floor, and then I walk down the hall into the kitchen/dining area where my bike is set up on rollers. It is now the first thing I head towards instead of my computer.

Right now it's hard, and I hate it. I'm going through withdrawel. I love the Internet and I hate exercise. I want to do the former, and don't want to do the latter. The only thing that keeps me going is that I love how exercise makes me feel after the fact. My mind is clearer, my lungs are clearer, I am writing more, painting more, and feeling more in control of my moods and emotions. Doing the exercise in the morning allows me to feel less guilty about the times that I don't move. I like being still. I can be still in my art corner for hours and hours without a single moment of remorse.

But I know my good health will not last if I don't do something about the weight. It's not having an impact now, but in ten years time it will. I still have way too much to do so I want the weight gone so my blood pressure -- the only smudge on an otherwise clear horizon -- will shoot back down five points into the normal range again.

My plan is to use my predisposition towards addiction to my advantage for a change. My goal is to continue exercising every morning until such time as my mind and body sees it as a necessity and something I must do every morning in order to function properly. An hour's exercise every day is not going to kill me. It's an addiction that will do me more good than harm. Endorphins will become my new drug of choice, and hopefully in six months time I will find that they are the one thing I crave when my day begins.
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Greek Mythology Oracle - Perseus [May. 7th, 2008|11:42 am]


Title: Perseus
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics and Coloured Pencil
Represents: Courage

And then there were six.

link6 tales|tell a tale

Pieces of Me [May. 5th, 2008|07:55 am]
A few days later, I find myself sitting here wondering if I should delete my last post. Is it too personal? Is it too revealing? Should I be so open with you all, sharing who I am, my intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences with people I've never met, will most likely never meet, and who may assume they know me and can therefore judge me just because they have read my journal?

This journal contains pieces of me. I cannot help but to write in it, because writing is a big part of me. But why do I feel compelled to share my words, especially when I sometimes feel uncertain of how those words will be received once I have shared them. I could delete the posts that worry me, but in many ways that would be akin to my trying to put the genie back in the bottle; an exercise in futility. I am a writer just as much as I am an artist, and like most writers I need to tell the story. For now, I am unable to devote the time to write the manuscripts I have filed away in my mind, but I do have the time to talk about my own life and the personal discoveries I have made as time has touched me. So this is what I do - I write, I share.

Thoughts and feelings; that's a big part of me right there in a nutshell. I have always been a person who wears their heart upon their sleeve. I like discussing the thoughts and ideas that often come to me as I sit and paint and for the most part I discuss those thoughts and feelings without guile or an agenda. Many of the non-art posts in my journal are the fruit born of time spent painting. When I paint, my mind is usually still and receptive. I use the time to explore my thoughts and feelings, and once 'the story' is fully formed I sit in front of the computer and in the same way the paint flows across the canvas, my words flow across the screen. In many ways you could say that the entries within my journal are self portraits of my soul, and I think most would feel a little insecure and uncertain when they line up their thoughts and feelings, displaying them upon the wall for all to see and critique.

I speak, write, and paint in much the same manner. If you were to speak to me, read my journal entries, or look upon my paintings I think you would find revealed something and someone who is bright, bold, colourful, detailed, with minor flaws and imperfections that show I am still learning as I go, but also reveal great beauty and magick. I am proud of the fact that I am still learning. I am very much the seeker.

Aaaahh! That is a term I've not used for a very long time -- seeker.

I do seek. I am on a journey. Along the way I watch for signs, I look to the past at choices I have made and discern how those choices have impacted upon my present and future, and I unravel patterns and mysteries in search for my answers. Sometimes the answers I seek are to questions I don't even know I have asked until the answer is there before me, and sometimes questions remain unanswered for many weeks and months. I've learned not to rush the questions or the answers.

Everything happens for a reason. When I began my journey as a seeker, I found that there were those around me who were suddenly drawn to me, wanting my help, wanting answers to their own questions. But I have learned through a process of trial and error that I cannot provide them, because for each and every one of us the answers, even if the question is the same, are usually always different.

So I began to write, painting self portraits of my soul, and displaying them upon the walls for others to see, for while my answers are not your answers, sometimes the simple act of sharing thoughts and feelings enables and empowers others to seek. Just as I will always paint, I will always share my thoughts and feelings, sometimes at the risk of being seen in a negative light. My paintings are not always liked, and my words and actions will not always be agreed with, but I do this, because just as I know I am meant to paint, I know I am meant to share.
link6 tales|tell a tale

Strength [May. 2nd, 2008|07:53 pm]
You are competitive!

There have been times in my past when I have been told that I am competitive, and sometimes not in a very flattering manner, and while I have become quite upset at being labelled thusly, a year ago it was the plain and simple truth.

You see, when it comes to licensing deals there are only so many artists a company will license artworks from, and when there are a wealth of talented artists to draw upon it becomes necessary to compete with the other artists vying for that company's attention.

It is the nature of humans to have their interest snared and captured by that which is beautiful, and we as artists compete with each other by posting and promoting our art whenever we have something new to show. It's not a sense of wanting or needing to do better than another artist, but an awareness that we are often all vying for the interest of the same customers. I have an enormous amount of respect for the artists within my circles, but when a customer purchases a print from them it often means that it's one less print that same person won't be buying from me. It is the nature of business to compete with those who are in the same business as yourself.

We all have fans of our work, and in many cases we have fans who are also fans of other artist's work, especially if our artworks are similar in nature. There are many out there who don't notice the differences. They only see the similarities. With no ill intent, they email us and tell us how much they love our work and how much it reminds them of [insert other artist's name here]. It is meant as a compliment, but sometimes it's not what we artists want or need to hear. We might like to deny it, but we do have egos, and those egos like to believe that the work we create as artists is unique, and different, and unlike anything any other artist has ever painted.

Sometimes it is because of the comparisons that those we are compared with become our greatest rivals. We covet their successes, and wonder why we have not succeeded in the same way. We don't really wish them ill; we just want our business to be as successful, and if that means being a little underhanded at times, then so be it.

It is the reality we have created, whether we like it or not. Sadly, to compete with others is something we have been taught to do, often before we can even walk or talk. We compete with siblings for our parent's attention, we compete for the better toys, better grades in school, in sports, in business, in love, and you know what? We don't have to. The truth is, that if we are doing what we are meant to, then most times everything falls into place.

I'll be the first to admit that to be jealous and competitive it is not a beautiful face to put forward. However, we see it all the time - a handful of businesses all vying for the same clientele and wishing to knock some of the competition out of the way. It's not nice! It's not pretty! It can get downright dirty and ugly. However, it sometimes feels like a brutal necessity, especially when there is a driving need to feed your children and pay the bills. It does not excuse the behaviour at all, but it makes it a little more understandable.

So where am I going with this post? I found myself thinking on a conversation that I had with She D'Montford at the Mind Body Spirit Festival. We were discussing my being available to illustrate an oracle deck, and how I would not be able to take on anything this large for a while due to the fact that I would be working on my own tarot deck. She asked me who I would recommend, and the first name that sprang forth from my lips was (name removed).

I have a great deal of respect for (name removed), and a true admiration for this person's work. They are one of the few artists who has continued to impress me over there years. Their work has shown growth from one painting to the next, and of late each and every one of them has made me go "WOW! That's impressive!"

It struck me as I was coming home in the train how life and being fulfilled spiritually and professionally can change us dramatically. I have discovered over the last year just how unnecessary the need to compete with others truly is. It is pointless. I have accomplished more professionally in the last year, than I have in the last five years. Why? How?

Eighteen months ago, I saw (name removed) as my biggest rival. I coveted their successes. I wanted them for myself. I craved to have just a quarter of the business and interest that is derived from the gorgeous works that they paint. There were times when I was so jealous I hated them, but I also liked them a great deal too. Just thinking of them left me conflicted, and vulnerable, and that vulnerability made me angry. In many ways, (name removed) had become my nemesis, and a person who brought out of me a side that I am not proud of.

But my rivalry with them also spurned me on. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going. It was an ugly feeling, and nothing truly good came of it. I lost a good friend, for though we are friendly now it will no doubt be a long, long time before (name removed) truly forgives me for how I behaved or trusts me again. I paid a high price for my competitive nature, but I could have paid a far higher one.

I chose not to.

I'll let you in on a little secret -- one of the 'personal reasons' why I stepped away from licensing is because I no longer wanted to compete with other artists within my circle. During my time with the Fairy Society, we were all played against each other. We were often manipulated, each of us forced to vye for favour because the owner of the company always rewarded the favourites by using their art first, or by offering them the juiciest contracts. It felt wrong. It felt unnatural.

Everything I did, everything I said, went against who I believed myself to be. It was as if some ugly dark creature had taken over my soul and for the six or so months that I was involved with the group I found myself hating myself more and more. It shocked me. It scared me. So I stepped back. I found myself faced with a choice -- continue along the licensing path and become successful at the cost of my integrity, or reconnect with the reason why I began to paint in the first place. My goal was always to illustrate. My childhood dream was to see my work on bookshelves, on covers, inside on the pages between the covers, and better yet, to have written the words and to have painted the visions created by those words. The childhood dream was woven with strands of my spirituality, and a strong belief in destiny. Destiny is inescapable. I believe we choose our destiny before we enter each life, and that is why I knew at a very very early age what I wanted to be. You see, when we are children we still full of the memories of the lives before and the times in between. It's only as we get older that we forget and have those memories replaced with the often unnatural behaviours and beliefs instilled in us by our parents and the society we live in.

Along the way we often find ourselves on the receiving end of a cosmic foot up the arse if we stray. That 'foot' comes in the form of conflict, upheavel, doubts, fears, jealousy, and sometimes bad behaviour that often results in our 'self' being hurt far more than those we have transgressed against. The feelings, the anger, the conflict, the jealousy, all of what I felt was that cosmic foot being firmly planted. It was a beating that was not going to end unless I made it end.

I found the choice to be an easy one... eventually. It was time to start going with the flow again, instead of fighting against it. It was time to believe and trust in my destiny. If it was and is my destiny to do as I had vowed as a child, then I would be provided for. Ask and ye shall receive. If I was right, if I was doing what I believed with my entire being to be what I was meant to do, then I would be watched over and steered in the right direction.

A year has gone by since I made that choice, and today on the train ride home from the Mind Body Spirit Festival I found myself suddenly aware that I no longer feel the need to compete with any of the artists within my circle. There have always been a few I have never felt a desire to outshine; my friends Meredith Dillman and Jane Starr Weils come to mind. I've always beamed with pride and joy at every success that has come their way, sometimes delighting in their triumph as if their triumph was my own.

So I know what it feels like not to feel competitive, and to suddenly find myself feeling its absence completely was oddly unsettling in a way. I didn't feel joy or happiness. It almost felt like my heartbeat had stopped and all the sound went out of the world. It startled me for a moment.

And then I felt ... free.

I knew with the utmost certainty that one year ago, I made a choice that has resulted in my feeling both spiritually connected and fulfilled. I am so very excited, sometimes it's hard to sit still. I am doing what a little girl dreamed of doing almost 35 years ago, and I know I am doing what I am meant to do. This last year has proven it to me in so many ways and on so many levels. Yes, there have been times when I've been worried, and times when I have doubted. That too is normal, and part of being a wonderfully complex human being, but not once have I not been blessed with what I need when I've needed it. Sometimes, that which I am blessed with is not what I believed I wanted, but more often than not I have discovered that it was.

I find myself trusting in my instincts and intuition again, and in turn I feel a strength that I have never experienced before.

Signs are given to us along the way, and I know with every fibre of my being that today I was told that I am exactly where I need to be right at this moment.

How can I be so sure?

Today I also went to Lucy Cavendish's workshop. As is her usual practise, the beautiful Lucy gave each of us a card from her oracle deck. But today Lucy did something different. Instead of her telling each of us what the card meant, she instead asked us to try and discern the message for ourselves, and I found myself looking at the card in my hand and knowing that it was an affirmation.

I drew the Strength card -- a year ago, I made a choice and a decision to go forward with an open heart, with trust, and with my destiny in mind. A year later, I find myself bouyed with a stronger faith, a stronger conviction, and feeling strong and confident. I am stronger, and it's both interesting and a bit of an adventure to discover in just how many ways I have changed and grown as a person during this stage of my life journey.

With regards to the identity of the artist with whom I have felt an 'unbecoming rivalry', I have chosen to remove their name from my post. I've not done this for my own comfort, but out of respect for the artist in question. While some are aware of what transpired, others are not and they don't need to know. This post was not about our relationship, but to serve to show a darker, baser side of my nature and how I have changed things in my life in order to move forward, learn and grow. I hope others will find what I have written to be positive and uplifting.
link9 tales|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Orpheus [May. 1st, 2008|12:28 pm]


Title: Orpheus
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencils
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Faith

And then there were seven.
link8 tales|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Herackles [Apr. 28th, 2008|07:49 pm]


Title: Herackles
Size: 8.5" x 11"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: Strength

8 to go
link9 tales|tell a tale

Faith Is An Amazing Thing [Apr. 26th, 2008|01:33 pm]
I think by now you all know that I am a spiritual person, and that while my faith is not overt at the best of times, it is very much a big part of who I am. What I believe keeps me at peace. How I believe keeps me moving forward.

Some of you may also know that I took a big cut in earnings in order to take on the greek mythology oracle deck. In the short term our income was literally cut in half, but I hope and believe that I will make up the shortfall in the long term. I hope. That I always have hope is a big part of what I believe, for there is nothing without it.

Since I turned to art as a career, I have always believed that I will be provided for. I have never not had a time occur when I have not had enough money coming in to pay the bills and keep me painting. That's all I ask for in the short term -- enough money to pay the bills, help keep food on the table, and pay for my art supplies. It's not a lot. It's just enough to help me build a career in the now that will in turn grow something that will make my future secure.

There have been times when I've grown very nervous. Just recently, I began to despair because there were not many commission bookings coming in for the first time in a couple of years, but there was a good steady trickle of print sales. Not big sales, but enough. So I had hope.

That hope blossomed into real and genuine delight when Blue Angel agreed to publish my tarot deck. It made the future a lot brighter and gave me long term stability. Again, things will be tight financially while I am working on the deck, but the income I derive from the advance will keep us going and has given me peace of mind, and by then I will have released the original artworks painted for the greek oracle deck and will hopefully generate a few sales there too, which will in turn add to my peace of mind.

While the next year and a bit are now taken care of, in the short term, I have been fretting and worrying. Times a tough. The cost of living is increasing almost on a daily basis. Art is one of the first luxuries to go in these bad economic times. All of a sudden I have no print sales. The trickle dried up. The budget is covered for the next few weeks, but with the electricity, phone, and health insurance due all in the next week, there was not going to be anything left over. I was not even sure if I could find the extra money needed to apply and pay for a stall at WinterMagic in June, or worse yet, restock my supply of backing boards.

Without print sales, I despaired because ahead of me lay two months without any income. For those two months, I am scheduled to work on completing my book. Now, I knew I could bring forward the commissions I had on the books for July, but at the expense of finishing the artwork I need to do for the internal pages of Dreams of Magick. The book is so very important to me because it will be the first 'completely me' project to be finished and published. I want to finish it first. I need to finish it first, before I begin the commissions.

But without the income there to tide us over, I began to realise I would have put the book on the back burner yet again.

And then something magickal happened. A beautiful soul purchased three original artworks. Suddenly the fear has been banished, and the calm I usually carry within me has been restored. I now have enough in the bank to cover those two months, buy the supplies I need, and pay for the insurance and stall costs. Once again, I am left with a definite feeling that I am being watched over. I know some of you may think me a little on the eccentric side when I say that I've always had a sense of "destiny" flow through the choices I have made in my life. I know in my heart of hearts that what I do is what I am meant to do, and that I have always been destined to walk that path that I walk.

I've found that as I move through the years, whenever there is need or a crisis looms that may prevent me from painting, that need is met and the crisis averted. Whether it be a commission, a print sale, or the sale of an original, or a licensing opportunity, there has always been something come to fill a void that would otherwise have the potential to put my desire to paint in jeopardy.

When it happens, my faith is strenghtened even more. To be blessed in this way is one of the most powerful of affirmations. It instills me with confidence, and adds steel to my conviction and commitment to my art. I can feel it around me, loving me, embracing me like a shield, protecting me. It is my faith, my conviction, my desire, my will ... and it is answered in kind.

I feel so blessed. I know I am blessed. I know I am loved.

And I am grateful.
link13 tales|tell a tale

A Scaly Update: Knot Rodney with Num Nums! [Apr. 25th, 2008|12:05 am]
I don't think a time will come when I won't stand at the side of his tank watching him eat. It's so, so cool. It's disturbing, and fascinating, and ... cool.

Look away now if you are squeamish. I'm not hiding this behind a cut ...















Now ain't that a happy wee face???
link42 tales|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Hecate [Apr. 24th, 2008|12:11 am]


Title: Hecate
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Crossroads

She's one of my favourites. *smiles*

Herackles is next.

9 to go.
link20 tales|tell a tale

From One Extreme to Another [Apr. 21st, 2008|12:39 am]
My last post was made after I had spent an hour laughing until my sides hurt. Tonight, I post after spending the last hour and a bit in tears.

No, I'm okay. Don't fret. I've just finished watching 'We Are Marshall'. I swear, I've not cried as much during a movie as I did tonight. I don't even like football movies, but this one touched me and moved me in a very gut-wrenching way.

I guess I'm surprised, because I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I did. But it was a brilliant, heartbreaking, and very powerful movie.

*wipes away more tears* But then, that's just my humble opinion.
link3 tales|tell a tale

A good giggle [Apr. 19th, 2008|06:04 pm]
humorous pictures
see more crazy cat pics

humorous pictures
see more crazy cat pics
Read more... )
link4 tales|tell a tale

Top Fifty stolen from Moonvoice [Apr. 19th, 2008|12:06 pm]
Empire Magazine's list of the "50 Greatest TV Shows" ever.

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers


50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted

35. Alias I've seen more than I've missed
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (seen all eps released in AU so far)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld I so hate this show, but I've seen every episode. How bad is that??

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons This show has been officially banned in this household, but it still gets watched.
link5 tales|tell a tale

Greek Mythology Oracle - Hermes (finally) [Apr. 19th, 2008|12:32 am]


Title: Hermes the Smug
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: Messages


Gee it would be nice to stop and pause and see what everyone else is up to. I need a holiday. It would be so nice to stop and sleep for a week.

But I cannot. *sighs a little*

I must say that I am glad this one is finished after all the problems I had with the first attempt to paint the original linework. Still, this is not my fave card in the slightest. His hand seems a little small and there's something not quite right about that face, but I didn't get a say in this one -- Hermes had a damned clear idea of how he wanted to be depicted and I was told very succintly to shut-up, stop whining, and paint.

So I did.

I did not draw him with that slightly smug expression, but that's the expression that revealed itself as I worked. I cannot help but feel as though I have been manipulated by the energy of this card. Hermes is definitely the trickster. I'd say those using the oracle deck will have to be cautious when they draw this card as he may not represent what he's supposed to.

I'm not sure if I am a fan of Hermes, but I can now move on to the next card with a good deal of relief, so my feelings about wheter I like this card or not don't matter too much in the grand scheme of things.
link9 tales|tell a tale

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