Michele-lee Phelan (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} artoftheempath) wrote,@ 2008-03-12 09:10:00 |
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Greek Mythology Oracle - Hades
Title: Keeper of Souls
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Death
Artists Comment: It was rather curious to watch this painting develope. The linework was so simple as none of the background was present; the background was painted on freehand. It was nice to let myself go and just let the brush go where it wanted and not worry about whether the faces were perfectly rendered. They are all dead after all.
I was uncertain at several points as to whether I had chosen the right colours, or whether the composition would work once the whole picture was completed. It just seemed a little chaotic and lost at times. Then I realised that the energy of the card itself was touching me again. He is death, and while death represents transformation, during that transformation we usually always feel a little caught up in the chaos of change, feeling a little lost and afraid. But death is not meant to be feared, just heeded.
I'm running a wee bit behind at present, so I can only say a very big and heartfelt thank to those who supported me in my disappointment yesterday. The way you all embraced me and gave me words of care and support touched me deeply. Thank you.
Please know that I don't think that I am a failure. It was probably a poor choice in words -- I failed to get accepted. I did not, and have not, failed as an artist. I know that my work is of a high standard and that it improves even more from painting to painting. I also know that I was one of many who did not get in.
This will not bring me down. It just serves to make me more determined. I'm a little angry about it today because I look at the list of those who were accepted and I cannot help but feel that a good number of them would not even have faced the jury process because of who they are. There is no way the likes of Todd Lockwood, Brom, Michael Whelan and others of that ilk would have had their submissions rejected even if they had painted stick figures. And when the accepted list is full of somebodies of their standing, there is no longer room for a relatively unpublished unknown like myself.
But I take it as a challenge. It's like my love/hate relationship with Epilogue. For years I tried to get my work accepted there, but the majority were rejected. It forced me to look at my work, face the fact that it was flawed, and improve it, and I did. Now my work does not get rejected.
Spectrum is my next mountain to conquer, because regardless of whether you like the art showcased within, it showcases the cream of fantasy and science fiction art. You can snarl and hiss all you want, state that you don't like the art, or that it somehow rigged so that only these people get in, but the simple truth is that these people are the best in my industry. To some of you, they might just be bookcover artists and card illustrators, but that's what I am too ... a book cover illustrator and a card illustrator. My dream is to be able to walk into almost any bookstore in the world and one day find something in each that has my art on it. So for me, acceptance into Spectrum is a very big deal, for it means that I have in part achieved what I desire. Getting accepted is not the be all and end all of my existance, but it is important to me.
So while I am disappointed, and while I can make this excuse or that for my not being included, the simple fact is that while my art is good, others are better. I am driven to become one of those who are better, so I will continue to paint, continue to refine, continue to improve. It is who I am.
And one day I will see my art in Spectrum, and most likely when it does eventually happen I will find that I don't care. That is the true irony of it all. You see, when I strived to get accepted to Epilogue, I found that by the time I was regularly getting work accepted I no longer needed them or cared whether they approved of my art or not. It may sound odd, but I have not had a painting rejected from that moment til now.
I have a confidence in my work, and a confidence in myself that is pretty unshakeable. Yes, disappointment when things don't succeed or go as I had hoped can result in my being upset, hurt, and angry, but I am human. I bleed and I cry and I often show and share how I am feeling, but the next day I pick myself up and brush myself off and find myself with an even stronger will to achieve my goals. That strength of will has stood me well so far. I know I will one day see my work in the likes of Spectrum, and by then it won't really matter because I have already attained that level recognition which I at this very moment feel is something I want and need. I will have discovered by then that I don't want it or need it as much as I thought I did, much as I discovered several years ago that I don't need places like Epilogue. But for now, that sting of rejection is something that I will feed upon, using it to push me further and fuel my ambition.
I love to paint. I am obsessed with it. It is my life, my passion, my religion, and I have goals I will achieve, and once I have achieved them, there will be new goals and new heights.
Again, thank you. Truly, you all left me feeling very loved and very grateful knowing that you are supporting me.
Title: Keeper of Souls
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Death
Artists Comment: It was rather curious to watch this painting develope. The linework was so simple as none of the background was present; the background was painted on freehand. It was nice to let myself go and just let the brush go where it wanted and not worry about whether the faces were perfectly rendered. They are all dead after all.
I was uncertain at several points as to whether I had chosen the right colours, or whether the composition would work once the whole picture was completed. It just seemed a little chaotic and lost at times. Then I realised that the energy of the card itself was touching me again. He is death, and while death represents transformation, during that transformation we usually always feel a little caught up in the chaos of change, feeling a little lost and afraid. But death is not meant to be feared, just heeded.
I'm running a wee bit behind at present, so I can only say a very big and heartfelt thank to those who supported me in my disappointment yesterday. The way you all embraced me and gave me words of care and support touched me deeply. Thank you.
Please know that I don't think that I am a failure. It was probably a poor choice in words -- I failed to get accepted. I did not, and have not, failed as an artist. I know that my work is of a high standard and that it improves even more from painting to painting. I also know that I was one of many who did not get in.
This will not bring me down. It just serves to make me more determined. I'm a little angry about it today because I look at the list of those who were accepted and I cannot help but feel that a good number of them would not even have faced the jury process because of who they are. There is no way the likes of Todd Lockwood, Brom, Michael Whelan and others of that ilk would have had their submissions rejected even if they had painted stick figures. And when the accepted list is full of somebodies of their standing, there is no longer room for a relatively unpublished unknown like myself.
But I take it as a challenge. It's like my love/hate relationship with Epilogue. For years I tried to get my work accepted there, but the majority were rejected. It forced me to look at my work, face the fact that it was flawed, and improve it, and I did. Now my work does not get rejected.
Spectrum is my next mountain to conquer, because regardless of whether you like the art showcased within, it showcases the cream of fantasy and science fiction art. You can snarl and hiss all you want, state that you don't like the art, or that it somehow rigged so that only these people get in, but the simple truth is that these people are the best in my industry. To some of you, they might just be bookcover artists and card illustrators, but that's what I am too ... a book cover illustrator and a card illustrator. My dream is to be able to walk into almost any bookstore in the world and one day find something in each that has my art on it. So for me, acceptance into Spectrum is a very big deal, for it means that I have in part achieved what I desire. Getting accepted is not the be all and end all of my existance, but it is important to me.
So while I am disappointed, and while I can make this excuse or that for my not being included, the simple fact is that while my art is good, others are better. I am driven to become one of those who are better, so I will continue to paint, continue to refine, continue to improve. It is who I am.
And one day I will see my art in Spectrum, and most likely when it does eventually happen I will find that I don't care. That is the true irony of it all. You see, when I strived to get accepted to Epilogue, I found that by the time I was regularly getting work accepted I no longer needed them or cared whether they approved of my art or not. It may sound odd, but I have not had a painting rejected from that moment til now.
I have a confidence in my work, and a confidence in myself that is pretty unshakeable. Yes, disappointment when things don't succeed or go as I had hoped can result in my being upset, hurt, and angry, but I am human. I bleed and I cry and I often show and share how I am feeling, but the next day I pick myself up and brush myself off and find myself with an even stronger will to achieve my goals. That strength of will has stood me well so far. I know I will one day see my work in the likes of Spectrum, and by then it won't really matter because I have already attained that level recognition which I at this very moment feel is something I want and need. I will have discovered by then that I don't want it or need it as much as I thought I did, much as I discovered several years ago that I don't need places like Epilogue. But for now, that sting of rejection is something that I will feed upon, using it to push me further and fuel my ambition.
I love to paint. I am obsessed with it. It is my life, my passion, my religion, and I have goals I will achieve, and once I have achieved them, there will be new goals and new heights.
Again, thank you. Truly, you all left me feeling very loved and very grateful knowing that you are supporting me.
