Michele-lee Phelan (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} artoftheempath) wrote,@ 2008-03-18 08:52:00 |
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Why I No Longer Paint Digitally
I woke this morning, feeling restless. The moon is waxing, coming closer to fullness and this month it seems to be affecting me a little more than it usually does. I find myself being reflective and thinking upon moments in my life where my path has changed dramatically, and has led me to a places I would not have expected. Several days ago, someone came to me asking for a commission. They mentioned a digital painting I had painted several years ago, citing it as the reason why they were deciding to contacting me. They loved it. They wanted me to paint something similar for them. They wanted me to do a digital painting because my traditional works were not realistic enough.
This is the painting in question ...
When I read the email, I found myself shaking my head, wondering if I would ever be free of the curse of this painting. For if there was one painting where I had moments when I wished I had not painted it, it would be this one. It is a painting that marked a major turning point.
This painting was, and is, a lie in what it represents to those who come seeking me as a client. It is why I no longer showcase it online in my gallery or in my portfolio. It is the most realistic digital artwork I have ever painted, and to this day it remains unmatched by any digital artwork I have painted. It was one of those artworks I delighted in painting. I was so proud of the finished result, and yet, now I look at it now and wonder if I should ever have painted it. My other digital works were more similar in style to my traditional works. This one was not the same because I was striving for a more photorealistic image. By today's standards, she's probably not that amazing, but she will always be pretty darned special to me because I created her with an ancient wacom -- one of the first ever made -- and Paintshop Pro V5, which was not made for painting with at all.
But if it were me, I would have made note of the fact that it was so strikingly different to the other artworks in the gallery.
If I had not painted it, then maybe the clients who wanted me to recreate this beauty would have not come my way. They would not have noticed me. My journey would have been different, yes, but it would have been a little more 'honest'.
You see, by the time I had finished this painting I had already decided that I would be taking the harder path and learning how to paint by traditional means with real paint. Why? Because I was developing RSI from the time spent at the computer. My eyes were not liking the constant exposure to the glare of the monitor. I was developing back problems from hunching over my little wacom, and having problems with headaches due to staring at the screen for extended periods.
It was not a case of no longer wanting to paint digitally, but no longer being capable of it. Occassionally, the desire to paint without mess would sway me again, and thinking that enough time had elapsed for the problems to have all gone away I would do something with my computer. But it was always a struggle. The hurts, the headaches, and the problems would always come back, reminding me painfully of why I stopped in the first place. It slowed down my progress and made it difficult for me to improve because I could not practise and further develope the skills I was learning.
I never mentioned these problems to anyone other than my partner, and he only got the whinging and whining about the discomfort I was experiencing. Maybe I should have made it public knowledge. Maybe if I had, I would not be questioning past decisions. Maybe I would not find myself regretting the time spent painting this artwork, because maybe, just maybe, others would have not had such high expectations.
This artwork led clients to me, each of them expecting me to match it, even though I was no longer painting digitally. Traditional mediums are so much more unpredictable than digital. For one thing, there is no 'undo' button on a paint brush. Oh how much easier would my job be if there was. Learning to paint by traditional means has been a lot of hard work. I have painted almost every single day for the last four years in order to get where I am now. I look back at what I have accomplished and I am proud of myself. And yet, there are moments in my career over the last few years that lessen the joy I feel, because I chose not to disclose the true reasons as to why I was no longer painting digitally.
For the public record, I stopped painting digitally because it was affecting my health. I already have poor vision, I could not afford to worsen it due repeated eye strain and dry eye. I had begun to lose feeling in three fingers of one hand, and experience permanent pins and needles, swelling, and pain from fingertips to wrist. I purchased a larger wacom and Painter several years ago, hoping that use of the proper tools and software would alleviate the problems I was experiencing. It did not. In fact, if anything, the problems worsened. Like some develope a sensitivity to the chemicals in traditional paints, I had developed a sensitiviy to digital paint. It ended my career as a digital artist.
The transition from one to the other was not easy for my clients. Some were happy with the traditional artworks they recieved, others were not. Some where honest in their delight, because they had something real, something tangible to have forever, while others where honest in their disappointment. They had wanted digital. They wanted a level of realism that I had not yet mastered with traditional mediums.
While there were one or two digital artworks that came after this one, I did those ones for others, not myself. I tried again in order to make others happy, but I could not continue because it hurt too much. The last digital artworks I painted were for the Ancient Mirror's Tales. They were my last. I know it's not wise to tempt the Fates and declare that one will never do something ever again, but I can be very confident in my declaration that I will never paint digitally again -- digital/traditional hybrids maybe -- but a digital artwork from start to finish? It won't be happening. It took me weeks to get the feeling back in my hand after the last digital painting. In the end, it was not worth it.
So instead of looking upon the artwork above, and wanting me to create something similar, I would ask that you look upon the artworks in my gallery, here and at Deviant Art, and my journal and decide whether you want something created similar to how I work now in the present. The painting above marks an ending. It marks the end of my time using digital. It is an artwork of which I am very proud. I refuse to regret its creation any more, but nor will I have everything I do, everything I have struggled to achieve over the last few years compared to it and found wanting.
I am not a digital artist due to health reasons first and foremost, but over the last few years I find that there's another reason too. I am not a digital artist, because over time I'm finding I no longer have much liking for digital art. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are digital artists out there whose work I love, because they have a unique style that sets their work apart. They have taken the time to develope a style that is all their own.
But these days it seems that every second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth artist has jumped on the photo-realism bandwagon. Yes, the works of many are undeniably beautiful, but they look just like the next artist's work. Why? Because instead of developing a style that is their own, they are all attempting to mimic the style of another. Digital art for me, has for the most part, become boring. I find that these days I look for traditional artists, because digital art bores me witless because the bulk of it all looks the same.
That's the beauty of traditional art. No matter what we paint, or the medium we use, each and every artist is set apart from the next. I do believe that so many of us are different because we don't all strive for photo-realistic art, and until it is no longer the holy grail for the majority of digital artists, they will continue to be, in my humble and somewhat biased opinion, the 'manufactured pop' artists of the art world.
Don't mistake my words for an attack. 'Manufactured pop' musicians are some of the biggest and most successful in the music industry, BUT, their fame is always shortlived, while other bands who have developed their own sound and style develope cult followings that keeps their music alive for decades. 'Manufactured pop' is often great to listen to, gets your toes tapping, and yet when the next song begins the last one was and is forgotten.
That is what photo-realistic digital art has become -- beautiful, enjoyable, and ultimately, forgettable unless the 'artist' has taken the time to develope a style that makes them memorable.
So please, no more requests that I paint digitally something that matches the artwork up above -- an artwork that was painted four years ago. I no longer paint digitally and have not now for almost two years. This will not change in the forseeable future. Nor do I strive for photo-realistic art. I like hard lines too much. It's part of how I paint. It's part of my style. It's not going to change. The art that you see in this journal, and on my websites that I have painted over the last year is 'me'. It's as honest I can be.
In Addendum: I am not dissing digital art as a medium, nor implying that it is not a valid choice of medium or to use it means that you are any less an artist. I am taking a swipe at photo-realistic art and the fact that many digital artists sacrifice, or do not develope a style of their own in order to achieve realistic art, believing they cannot have the former if they wish to achieve the latter.
I woke this morning, feeling restless. The moon is waxing, coming closer to fullness and this month it seems to be affecting me a little more than it usually does. I find myself being reflective and thinking upon moments in my life where my path has changed dramatically, and has led me to a places I would not have expected. Several days ago, someone came to me asking for a commission. They mentioned a digital painting I had painted several years ago, citing it as the reason why they were deciding to contacting me. They loved it. They wanted me to paint something similar for them. They wanted me to do a digital painting because my traditional works were not realistic enough.
This is the painting in question ...
When I read the email, I found myself shaking my head, wondering if I would ever be free of the curse of this painting. For if there was one painting where I had moments when I wished I had not painted it, it would be this one. It is a painting that marked a major turning point.
This painting was, and is, a lie in what it represents to those who come seeking me as a client. It is why I no longer showcase it online in my gallery or in my portfolio. It is the most realistic digital artwork I have ever painted, and to this day it remains unmatched by any digital artwork I have painted. It was one of those artworks I delighted in painting. I was so proud of the finished result, and yet, now I look at it now and wonder if I should ever have painted it. My other digital works were more similar in style to my traditional works. This one was not the same because I was striving for a more photorealistic image. By today's standards, she's probably not that amazing, but she will always be pretty darned special to me because I created her with an ancient wacom -- one of the first ever made -- and Paintshop Pro V5, which was not made for painting with at all.
But if it were me, I would have made note of the fact that it was so strikingly different to the other artworks in the gallery.
If I had not painted it, then maybe the clients who wanted me to recreate this beauty would have not come my way. They would not have noticed me. My journey would have been different, yes, but it would have been a little more 'honest'.
You see, by the time I had finished this painting I had already decided that I would be taking the harder path and learning how to paint by traditional means with real paint. Why? Because I was developing RSI from the time spent at the computer. My eyes were not liking the constant exposure to the glare of the monitor. I was developing back problems from hunching over my little wacom, and having problems with headaches due to staring at the screen for extended periods.
It was not a case of no longer wanting to paint digitally, but no longer being capable of it. Occassionally, the desire to paint without mess would sway me again, and thinking that enough time had elapsed for the problems to have all gone away I would do something with my computer. But it was always a struggle. The hurts, the headaches, and the problems would always come back, reminding me painfully of why I stopped in the first place. It slowed down my progress and made it difficult for me to improve because I could not practise and further develope the skills I was learning.
I never mentioned these problems to anyone other than my partner, and he only got the whinging and whining about the discomfort I was experiencing. Maybe I should have made it public knowledge. Maybe if I had, I would not be questioning past decisions. Maybe I would not find myself regretting the time spent painting this artwork, because maybe, just maybe, others would have not had such high expectations.
This artwork led clients to me, each of them expecting me to match it, even though I was no longer painting digitally. Traditional mediums are so much more unpredictable than digital. For one thing, there is no 'undo' button on a paint brush. Oh how much easier would my job be if there was. Learning to paint by traditional means has been a lot of hard work. I have painted almost every single day for the last four years in order to get where I am now. I look back at what I have accomplished and I am proud of myself. And yet, there are moments in my career over the last few years that lessen the joy I feel, because I chose not to disclose the true reasons as to why I was no longer painting digitally.
For the public record, I stopped painting digitally because it was affecting my health. I already have poor vision, I could not afford to worsen it due repeated eye strain and dry eye. I had begun to lose feeling in three fingers of one hand, and experience permanent pins and needles, swelling, and pain from fingertips to wrist. I purchased a larger wacom and Painter several years ago, hoping that use of the proper tools and software would alleviate the problems I was experiencing. It did not. In fact, if anything, the problems worsened. Like some develope a sensitivity to the chemicals in traditional paints, I had developed a sensitiviy to digital paint. It ended my career as a digital artist.
The transition from one to the other was not easy for my clients. Some were happy with the traditional artworks they recieved, others were not. Some where honest in their delight, because they had something real, something tangible to have forever, while others where honest in their disappointment. They had wanted digital. They wanted a level of realism that I had not yet mastered with traditional mediums.
While there were one or two digital artworks that came after this one, I did those ones for others, not myself. I tried again in order to make others happy, but I could not continue because it hurt too much. The last digital artworks I painted were for the Ancient Mirror's Tales. They were my last. I know it's not wise to tempt the Fates and declare that one will never do something ever again, but I can be very confident in my declaration that I will never paint digitally again -- digital/traditional hybrids maybe -- but a digital artwork from start to finish? It won't be happening. It took me weeks to get the feeling back in my hand after the last digital painting. In the end, it was not worth it.
So instead of looking upon the artwork above, and wanting me to create something similar, I would ask that you look upon the artworks in my gallery, here and at Deviant Art, and my journal and decide whether you want something created similar to how I work now in the present. The painting above marks an ending. It marks the end of my time using digital. It is an artwork of which I am very proud. I refuse to regret its creation any more, but nor will I have everything I do, everything I have struggled to achieve over the last few years compared to it and found wanting.
I am not a digital artist due to health reasons first and foremost, but over the last few years I find that there's another reason too. I am not a digital artist, because over time I'm finding I no longer have much liking for digital art. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are digital artists out there whose work I love, because they have a unique style that sets their work apart. They have taken the time to develope a style that is all their own.
But these days it seems that every second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth artist has jumped on the photo-realism bandwagon. Yes, the works of many are undeniably beautiful, but they look just like the next artist's work. Why? Because instead of developing a style that is their own, they are all attempting to mimic the style of another. Digital art for me, has for the most part, become boring. I find that these days I look for traditional artists, because digital art bores me witless because the bulk of it all looks the same.
That's the beauty of traditional art. No matter what we paint, or the medium we use, each and every artist is set apart from the next. I do believe that so many of us are different because we don't all strive for photo-realistic art, and until it is no longer the holy grail for the majority of digital artists, they will continue to be, in my humble and somewhat biased opinion, the 'manufactured pop' artists of the art world.
Don't mistake my words for an attack. 'Manufactured pop' musicians are some of the biggest and most successful in the music industry, BUT, their fame is always shortlived, while other bands who have developed their own sound and style develope cult followings that keeps their music alive for decades. 'Manufactured pop' is often great to listen to, gets your toes tapping, and yet when the next song begins the last one was and is forgotten.
That is what photo-realistic digital art has become -- beautiful, enjoyable, and ultimately, forgettable unless the 'artist' has taken the time to develope a style that makes them memorable.
So please, no more requests that I paint digitally something that matches the artwork up above -- an artwork that was painted four years ago. I no longer paint digitally and have not now for almost two years. This will not change in the forseeable future. Nor do I strive for photo-realistic art. I like hard lines too much. It's part of how I paint. It's part of my style. It's not going to change. The art that you see in this journal, and on my websites that I have painted over the last year is 'me'. It's as honest I can be.
In Addendum: I am not dissing digital art as a medium, nor implying that it is not a valid choice of medium or to use it means that you are any less an artist. I am taking a swipe at photo-realistic art and the fact that many digital artists sacrifice, or do not develope a style of their own in order to achieve realistic art, believing they cannot have the former if they wish to achieve the latter.
