Tales of Magick

Greek Mythology Oracle - Odysseus

2008-05-09T15:38:00Z

Title: Odysseus
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics, coloured pencil, and digital
Represents: The Journey

Odysseus' journey began with the fall of Troy. *wry grin* I'm starting to feel for him and understand how he must have felt when Poseidon made it difficult for him to return home. With five to go I am beginning to feel as if this journey will never end myself.

Five to go.

Today's To Do List

2008-05-09T01:12:51Z

- ~~Exercise~~
- ~~Feed the birds and sort out the dilemma of Knot's overly cold tank~~
- ~~Answer emails~~
- ~~Get quote for Airbrush~~
- ~~Organise seeing Cassandra Eason on weekend~~
- Finish Odysseus

Addiction

2008-05-08T23:38:40Z

I've just come home from my early morning walk. I walk or go for a ride on my bike most mornings now in order to get some of the cuddle off my body and keep my mind healthy. I found I was starting to have little 'blue' episodes more regularly so to keep them at bay I realised that I needed to start moving. I'm quite proud of myself right now because I usually exercise for about a week to ten days and then start finding excuses. I've been going for over a month now and I've discovered that if I do it before I turn the computer on of a morning I will do it.

Which leads me to the subject of this post -- addiction.

It's funny how, for me, one addiction always replaces another. I am someone with a predisposition towards addiction and I always manage to find myself a 'crutch'. Twenty years ago it was a mix of dancing, binge eating, alcohol, speed and other not so nice substances. Fifteen years ago, the dancing and binging had stopped, and the drug and alchol use had been replaced with a chronic addiction to nicotine and caffiene. I had kicked the drugs and booze, but instead I was smoking between thirty and sixty cigarettes a day and drinking up to ten cups of coffee a day. Eleven years ago, the smoking stopped. I have not had a single cigarette during that time. I also developed a bit of a problem where caffiene is concerned and now I can only have one cup of coffee every couple of days or it triggers my anxiety attacks.

With no drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes, and only a little bit of caffiene you think I'd be able to say that I am free of addiction. If you believe that, then you are wrong.

One of the things that made me realise that I was a sad addict when I smoked was the fact that the first thing I reached for in the morning was my cigarettes. I could not function until I had smoked at least three cigarettes and finished at least one cup of coffee. That was how my day began. That was how every single day began for almost fifteen years. I would shake if I didn't have that first smoke. The DT's would take over and I would twitch and jerk. My mood swings were another indicator. I could turn feral on a dime if I'd gone too long between smokes; anything longer than twenty minutes would be enough to make me a dangerous person to be around.

When I gave up smoking, I suffered from asthma attacks, cold sweats, delerium tremens, paranoia, depression, anxiety, nausea, and diarrhea. I was taken to hospital with anxiety attacks because I could not breathe and thought I was dying. In fact, I could have died as I was unaware that asthma attacks can be quite common during the giving up process because a person's breathing changes. We breathe less deeply, taking less oxygen into our lungs. Hence the asthma attacks.

I had a particularly rough time giving up because I became addicted to nicotine during puberty. I was told that many doctors believe that taking up smoking during a time when so many 'changes' are occurring can result in nicotine being hardwired into the body, i.e. the body sees it as a necessary chemical and when it is no longer present it can do more harm than it would usually. My doctor was not pleased with me when I gave up cold turkey and threw my body into chaos, but for me that's the only method that works. I have to do things the hard way or I find ways to get around it.

So, I gave up smoking. What could I possibly find myself addicted to if I no longer drink, smoke, do drugs, or drink coffee?

The Internet.

I've had access to the Internet now for almost ten years. During that time, I have put on a whopping 60lbs due to my not moving as much. I don't overeat, but nor do I move, and my metabolism has been totally fried by eating disorders, drug addiction, smoking and hormone imbalances. Despite that, I'm ridiculously healthy. I never get sick - I've not had a cold or flu for almost seven years. I've been physically ill twice during that time, get the occassional headache from tension, and the occassional bout of hayfever, but other than that ... nothing. My doctor has to send me letters to remind me to come in and have a checkup because I never need him at any other time.

I do however, have high blood pressure due to my weight.

I have a weight problem, because I don't move.

I don't move because the first thing I do in the morning is turn on the computer and go online. I cannot function until I've checked my mail, visited my forum, visited DeviantArt, and several other haunts. Usually by then, it's after nine in the morning, I've still not had breakfast, and by the time that I do, it's time to start work for the day.

And so, I evade and avoid exercising. I dodge around the necessity by procrastinating and/or finding something else that must be done, and that something usually involves my computer and the Internet.

I'm addicted to the Internet, and that addiction is probably not going to be one that I am willing to kick because the Internet is where a good part of my business is derived, but as I lay in bed this morning I may have stumbled upon the perfect way to change.

I plan on replacing one addiction with another. You see, most psychological addictions are based on repetitive behaviours. It became a habit to go online first thing in the morning, so now it's something I do every day without even thinking about it, and I find I have a real need to be online at least several times a day. Going online during the day is not an problem as it gets me out of my corner and gives me an often needed break from painting. It's the fact that I head for my computer every morning before I've got the sleep out of my eyes.

So, I've decided to try and rewire my brain. For the last month and a bit I've started my day with isometric exercises and a ride or walk. It's now the first thing I do. I don't even enter the room where my computer is set up. I do the isometrics in my bedroom as soon as my feet hit the floor, and then I walk down the hall into the kitchen/dining area where my bike is set up on rollers. It is now the first thing I head towards instead of my computer.

Right now it's hard, and I hate it. I'm going through withdrawel. I love the Internet and I hate exercise. I want to do the former, and don't want to do the latter. The only thing that keeps me going is that I love how exercise makes me feel after the fact. My mind is clearer, my lungs are clearer, I am writing more, painting more, and feeling more in control of my moods and emotions. Doing the exercise in the morning allows me to feel less guilty about the times that I don't move. I like being still. I can be still in my art corner for hours and hours without a single moment of remorse.

But I know my good health will not last if I don't do something about the weight. It's not having an impact now, but in ten years time it will. I still have way too much to do so I want the weight gone so my blood pressure -- the only smudge on an otherwise clear horizon -- will shoot back down five points into the normal range again.

My plan is to use my predisposition towards addiction to my advantage for a change. My goal is to continue exercising every morning until such time as my mind and body sees it as a necessity and something I must do every morning in order to function properly. An hour's exercise every day is not going to kill me. It's an addiction that will do me more good than harm. Endorphins will become my new drug of choice, and hopefully in six months time I will find that they are the one thing I crave when my day begins.

Greek Mythology Oracle - Perseus

2008-05-07T01:45:43Z

Title: Perseus
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics and Coloured Pencil
Represents: Courage

And then there were six.

Pieces of Me

2008-05-04T23:10:30Z

A few days later, I find myself sitting here wondering if I should delete my last post. Is it too personal? Is it too revealing? Should I be so open with you all, sharing who I am, my intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences with people I've never met, will most likely never meet, and who may assume they know me and can therefore judge me just because they have read my journal?

This journal contains pieces of me. I cannot help but to write in it, because writing is a big part of me. But why do I feel compelled to share my words, especially when I sometimes feel uncertain of how those words will be received once I have shared them. I could delete the posts that worry me, but in many ways that would be akin to my trying to put the genie back in the bottle; an exercise in futility. I am a writer just as much as I am an artist, and like most writers I need to tell the story. For now, I am unable to devote the time to write the manuscripts I have filed away in my mind, but I do have the time to talk about my own life and the personal discoveries I have made as time has touched me. So this is what I do - I write, I share.

Thoughts and feelings; that's a big part of me right there in a nutshell. I have always been a person who wears their heart upon their sleeve. I like discussing the thoughts and ideas that often come to me as I sit and paint and for the most part I discuss those thoughts and feelings without guile or an agenda. Many of the non-art posts in my journal are the fruit born of time spent painting. When I paint, my mind is usually still and receptive. I use the time to explore my thoughts and feelings, and once 'the story' is fully formed I sit in front of the computer and in the same way the paint flows across the canvas, my words flow across the screen. In many ways you could say that the entries within my journal are self portraits of my soul, and I think most would feel a little insecure and uncertain when they line up their thoughts and feelings, displaying them upon the wall for all to see and critique.

I speak, write, and paint in much the same manner. If you were to speak to me, read my journal entries, or look upon my paintings I think you would find revealed something and someone who is bright, bold, colourful, detailed, with minor flaws and imperfections that show I am still learning as I go, but also reveal great beauty and magick. I am proud of the fact that I am still learning. I am very much the seeker.

Aaaahh! That is a term I've not used for a very long time -- seeker.

I do seek. I am on a journey. Along the way I watch for signs, I look to the past at choices I have made and discern how those choices have impacted upon my present and future, and I unravel patterns and mysteries in search for my answers. Sometimes the answers I seek are to questions I don't even know I have asked until the answer is there before me, and sometimes questions remain unanswered for many weeks and months. I've learned not to rush the questions or the answers.

Everything happens for a reason. When I began my journey as a seeker, I found that there were those around me who were suddenly drawn to me, wanting my help, wanting answers to their own questions. But I have learned through a process of trial and error that I cannot provide them, because for each and every one of us the answers, even if the question is the same, are usually always different.

So I began to write, painting self portraits of my soul, and displaying them upon the walls for others to see, for while my answers are not your answers, sometimes the simple act of sharing thoughts and feelings enables and empowers others to seek. Just as I will always paint, I will always share my thoughts and feelings, sometimes at the risk of being seen in a negative light. My paintings are not always liked, and my words and actions will not always be agreed with, but I do this, because just as I know I am meant to paint, I know I am meant to share.

Strength

2008-05-02T11:44:55Z

You are competitive!

There have been times in my past when I have been told that I am competitive, and sometimes not in a very flattering manner, and while I have become quite upset at being labelled thusly, a year ago it was the plain and simple truth.

You see, when it comes to licensing deals there are only so many artists a company will license artworks from, and when there are a wealth of talented artists to draw upon it becomes necessary to compete with the other artists vying for that company's attention.

It is the nature of humans to have their interest snared and captured by that which is beautiful, and we as artists compete with each other by posting and promoting our art whenever we have something new to show. It's not a sense of wanting or needing to do better than another artist, but an awareness that we are often all vying for the interest of the same customers. I have an enormous amount of respect for the artists within my circles, but when a customer purchases a print from them it often means that it's one less print that same person won't be buying from me. It is the nature of business to compete with those who are in the same business as yourself.

We all have fans of our work, and in many cases we have fans who are also fans of other artist's work, especially if our artworks are similar in nature. There are many out there who don't notice the differences. They only see the similarities. With no ill intent, they email us and tell us how much they love our work and how much it reminds them of [insert other artist's name here]. It is meant as a compliment, but sometimes it's not what we artists want or need to hear. We might like to deny it, but we do have egos, and those egos like to believe that the work we create as artists is unique, and different, and unlike anything any other artist has ever painted.

Sometimes it is because of the comparisons that those we are compared with become our greatest rivals. We covet their successes, and wonder why we have not succeeded in the same way. We don't really wish them ill; we just want our business to be as successful, and if that means being a little underhanded at times, then so be it.

It is the reality we have created, whether we like it or not. Sadly, to compete with others is something we have been taught to do, often before we can even walk or talk. We compete with siblings for our parent's attention, we compete for the better toys, better grades in school, in sports, in business, in love, and you know what? We don't have to. The truth is, that if we are doing what we are meant to, then most times everything falls into place.

I'll be the first to admit that to be jealous and competitive it is not a beautiful face to put forward. However, we see it all the time - a handful of businesses all vying for the same clientele and wishing to knock some of the competition out of the way. It's not nice! It's not pretty! It can get downright dirty and ugly. However, it sometimes feels like a brutal necessity, especially when there is a driving need to feed your children and pay the bills. It does not excuse the behaviour at all, but it makes it a little more understandable.

So where am I going with this post? I found myself thinking on a conversation that I had with She D'Montford at the Mind Body Spirit Festival. We were discussing my being available to illustrate an oracle deck, and how I would not be able to take on anything this large for a while due to the fact that I would be working on my own tarot deck. She asked me who I would recommend, and the first name that sprang forth from my lips was (name removed).

I have a great deal of respect for (name removed), and a true admiration for this person's work. They are one of the few artists who has continued to impress me over there years. Their work has shown growth from one painting to the next, and of late each and every one of them has made me go "WOW! That's impressive!"

It struck me as I was coming home in the train how life and being fulfilled spiritually and professionally can change us dramatically. I have discovered over the last year just how unnecessary the need to compete with others truly is. It is pointless. I have accomplished more professionally in the last year, than I have in the last five years. Why? How?

Eighteen months ago, I saw (name removed) as my biggest rival. I coveted their successes. I wanted them for myself. I craved to have just a quarter of the business and interest that is derived from the gorgeous works that they paint. There were times when I was so jealous I hated them, but I also liked them a great deal too. Just thinking of them left me conflicted, and vulnerable, and that vulnerability made me angry. In many ways, (name removed) had become my nemesis, and a person who brought out of me a side that I am not proud of.

But my rivalry with them also spurned me on. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going. It was an ugly feeling, and nothing truly good came of it. I lost a good friend, for though we are friendly now it will no doubt be a long, long time before (name removed) truly forgives me for how I behaved or trusts me again. I paid a high price for my competitive nature, but I could have paid a far higher one.

I chose not to.

I'll let you in on a little secret -- one of the 'personal reasons' why I stepped away from licensing is because I no longer wanted to compete with other artists within my circle. During my time with the Fairy Society, we were all played against each other. We were often manipulated, each of us forced to vye for favour because the owner of the company always rewarded the favourites by using their art first, or by offering them the juiciest contracts. It felt wrong. It felt unnatural.

Everything I did, everything I said, went against who I believed myself to be. It was as if some ugly dark creature had taken over my soul and for the six or so months that I was involved with the group I found myself hating myself more and more. It shocked me. It scared me. So I stepped back. I found myself faced with a choice -- continue along the licensing path and become successful at the cost of my integrity, or reconnect with the reason why I began to paint in the first place. My goal was always to illustrate. My childhood dream was to see my work on bookshelves, on covers, inside on the pages between the covers, and better yet, to have written the words and to have painted the visions created by those words. The childhood dream was woven with strands of my spirituality, and a strong belief in destiny. Destiny is inescapable. I believe we choose our destiny before we enter each life, and that is why I knew at a very very early age what I wanted to be. You see, when we are children we still full of the memories of the lives before and the times in between. It's only as we get older that we forget and have those memories replaced with the often unnatural behaviours and beliefs instilled in us by our parents and the society we live in.

Along the way we often find ourselves on the receiving end of a cosmic foot up the arse if we stray. That 'foot' comes in the form of conflict, upheavel, doubts, fears, jealousy, and sometimes bad behaviour that often results in our 'self' being hurt far more than those we have transgressed against. The feelings, the anger, the conflict, the jealousy, all of what I felt was that cosmic foot being firmly planted. It was a beating that was not going to end unless I made it end.

I found the choice to be an easy one... eventually. It was time to start going with the flow again, instead of fighting against it. It was time to believe and trust in my destiny. If it was and is my destiny to do as I had vowed as a child, then I would be provided for. Ask and ye shall receive. If I was right, if I was doing what I believed with my entire being to be what I was meant to do, then I would be watched over and steered in the right direction.

A year has gone by since I made that choice, and today on the train ride home from the Mind Body Spirit Festival I found myself suddenly aware that I no longer feel the need to compete with any of the artists within my circle. There have always been a few I have never felt a desire to outshine; my friends Meredith Dillman and Jane Starr Weils come to mind. I've always beamed with pride and joy at every success that has come their way, sometimes delighting in their triumph as if their triumph was my own.

So I know what it feels like not to feel competitive, and to suddenly find myself feeling its absence completely was oddly unsettling in a way. I didn't feel joy or happiness. It almost felt like my heartbeat had stopped and all the sound went out of the world. It startled me for a moment.

And then I felt ... free.

I knew with the utmost certainty that one year ago, I made a choice that has resulted in my feeling both spiritually connected and fulfilled. I am so very excited, sometimes it's hard to sit still. I am doing what a little girl dreamed of doing almost 35 years ago, and I know I am doing what I am meant to do. This last year has proven it to me in so many ways and on so many levels. Yes, there have been times when I've been worried, and times when I have doubted. That too is normal, and part of being a wonderfully complex human being, but not once have I not been blessed with what I need when I've needed it. Sometimes, that which I am blessed with is not what I believed I wanted, but more often than not I have discovered that it was.

I find myself trusting in my instincts and intuition again, and in turn I feel a strength that I have never experienced before.

Signs are given to us along the way, and I know with every fibre of my being that today I was told that I am exactly where I need to be right at this moment.

How can I be so sure?

Today I also went to Lucy Cavendish's workshop. As is her usual practise, the beautiful Lucy gave each of us a card from her oracle deck. But today Lucy did something different. Instead of her telling each of us what the card meant, she instead asked us to try and discern the message for ourselves, and I found myself looking at the card in my hand and knowing that it was an affirmation.

I drew the Strength card -- a year ago, I made a choice and a decision to go forward with an open heart, with trust, and with my destiny in mind. A year later, I find myself bouyed with a stronger faith, a stronger conviction, and feeling strong and confident. I am stronger, and it's both interesting and a bit of an adventure to discover in just how many ways I have changed and grown as a person during this stage of my life journey.

With regards to the identity of the artist with whom I have felt an 'unbecoming rivalry', I have chosen to remove their name from my post. I've not done this for my own comfort, but out of respect for the artist in question. While some are aware of what transpired, others are not and they don't need to know. This post was not about our relationship, but to serve to show a darker, baser side of my nature and how I have changed things in my life in order to move forward, learn and grow. I hope others will find what I have written to be positive and uplifting.

Greek Mythology Oracle - Orpheus

2008-05-01T02:31:36Z

Title: Orpheus
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencils
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Faith

And then there were seven.

Greek Mythology Oracle - Herackles

2008-04-28T09:52:20Z

Title: Herackles
Size: 8.5" x 11"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: Strength

8 to go

Faith Is An Amazing Thing

2008-04-26T04:36:29Z

I think by now you all know that I am a spiritual person, and that while my faith is not overt at the best of times, it is very much a big part of who I am. What I believe keeps me at peace. How I believe keeps me moving forward.

Some of you may also know that I took a big cut in earnings in order to take on the greek mythology oracle deck. In the short term our income was literally cut in half, but I hope and believe that I will make up the shortfall in the long term. I hope. That I always have hope is a big part of what I believe, for there is nothing without it.

Since I turned to art as a career, I have always believed that I will be provided for. I have never not had a time occur when I have not had enough money coming in to pay the bills and keep me painting. That's all I ask for in the short term -- enough money to pay the bills, help keep food on the table, and pay for my art supplies. It's not a lot. It's just enough to help me build a career in the now that will in turn grow something that will make my future secure.

There have been times when I've grown very nervous. Just recently, I began to despair because there were not many commission bookings coming in for the first time in a couple of years, but there was a good steady trickle of print sales. Not big sales, but enough. So I had hope.

That hope blossomed into real and genuine delight when Blue Angel agreed to publish my tarot deck. It made the future a lot brighter and gave me long term stability. Again, things will be tight financially while I am working on the deck, but the income I derive from the advance will keep us going and has given me peace of mind, and by then I will have released the original artworks painted for the greek oracle deck and will hopefully generate a few sales there too, which will in turn add to my peace of mind.

While the next year and a bit are now taken care of, in the short term, I have been fretting and worrying. Times a tough. The cost of living is increasing almost on a daily basis. Art is one of the first luxuries to go in these bad economic times. All of a sudden I have no print sales. The trickle dried up. The budget is covered for the next few weeks, but with the electricity, phone, and health insurance due all in the next week, there was not going to be anything left over. I was not even sure if I could find the extra money needed to apply and pay for a stall at WinterMagic in June, or worse yet, restock my supply of backing boards.

Without print sales, I despaired because ahead of me lay two months without any income. For those two months, I am scheduled to work on completing my book. Now, I knew I could bring forward the commissions I had on the books for July, but at the expense of finishing the artwork I need to do for the internal pages of Dreams of Magick. The book is so very important to me because it will be the first 'completely me' project to be finished and published. I want to finish it first. I need to finish it first, before I begin the commissions.

But without the income there to tide us over, I began to realise I would have put the book on the back burner yet again.

And then something magickal happened. A beautiful soul purchased three original artworks. Suddenly the fear has been banished, and the calm I usually carry within me has been restored. I now have enough in the bank to cover those two months, buy the supplies I need, and pay for the insurance and stall costs. Once again, I am left with a definite feeling that I am being watched over. I know some of you may think me a little on the eccentric side when I say that I've always had a sense of "destiny" flow through the choices I have made in my life. I know in my heart of hearts that what I do is what I am meant to do, and that I have always been destined to walk that path that I walk.

I've found that as I move through the years, whenever there is need or a crisis looms that may prevent me from painting, that need is met and the crisis averted. Whether it be a commission, a print sale, or the sale of an original, or a licensing opportunity, there has always been something come to fill a void that would otherwise have the potential to put my desire to paint in jeopardy.

When it happens, my faith is strenghtened even more. To be blessed in this way is one of the most powerful of affirmations. It instills me with confidence, and adds steel to my conviction and commitment to my art. I can feel it around me, loving me, embracing me like a shield, protecting me. It is my faith, my conviction, my desire, my will ... and it is answered in kind.

I feel so blessed. I know I am blessed. I know I am loved.

And I am grateful.

A Scaly Update: Knot Rodney with Num Nums!

2008-04-24T14:10:46Z

I don't think a time will come when I won't stand at the side of his tank watching him eat. It's so, so cool. It's disturbing, and fascinating, and ... cool.

Look away now if you are squeamish. I'm not hiding this behind a cut ...

Now ain't that a happy wee face???

Greek Mythology Oracle - Hecate

2008-04-23T14:14:16Z

Title: Hecate
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Size: 8.5"x11"
Represents: Crossroads

She's one of my favourites. *smiles*

Herackles is next.

9 to go.

From One Extreme to Another

2008-04-20T14:43:00Z

My last post was made after I had spent an hour laughing until my sides hurt. Tonight, I post after spending the last hour and a bit in tears.

No, I'm okay. Don't fret. I've just finished watching 'We Are Marshall'. I swear, I've not cried as much during a movie as I did tonight. I don't even like football movies, but this one touched me and moved me in a very gut-wrenching way.

I guess I'm surprised, because I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I did. But it was a brilliant, heartbreaking, and very powerful movie.

*wipes away more tears* But then, that's just my humble opinion.

A good giggle

2008-04-19T08:06:04Z

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

see more crazy cat pics

Top Fifty stolen from Moonvoice

2008-04-19T02:13:49Z

Empire Magazine's list of the "50 Greatest TV Shows" ever.

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers

50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted

35. Alias I've seen more than I've missed
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (seen all eps released in AU so far)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld I so hate this show, but I've seen every episode. How bad is that??

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons This show has been officially banned in this household, but it still gets watched.

Greek Mythology Oracle - Hermes (finally)

2008-04-18T14:39:36Z

Title: Hermes the Smug
Size: 8.5"x11"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: Messages

Gee it would be nice to stop and pause and see what everyone else is up to. I need a holiday. It would be so nice to stop and sleep for a week.

But I cannot. *sighs a little*

I must say that I am glad this one is finished after all the problems I had with the first attempt to paint the original linework. Still, this is not my fave card in the slightest. His hand seems a little small and there's something not quite right about that face, but I didn't get a say in this one -- Hermes had a damned clear idea of how he wanted to be depicted and I was told very succintly to shut-up, stop whining, and paint.

So I did.

I did not draw him with that slightly smug expression, but that's the expression that revealed itself as I worked. I cannot help but feel as though I have been manipulated by the energy of this card. Hermes is definitely the trickster. I'd say those using the oracle deck will have to be cautious when they draw this card as he may not represent what he's supposed to.

I'm not sure if I am a fan of Hermes, but I can now move on to the next card with a good deal of relief, so my feelings about wheter I like this card or not don't matter too much in the grand scheme of things.

artoftheempath @ 2008-04-18T09:30:00

2008-04-17T23:32:24Z

It would seem that the gods are speaking to me. Last week, prior to my working on Poseidon, I battled with the artwork for the second Hermes card. I had depicted him -- the god who travels back and forth between the heavens and earth as messenger -- on his knees before an arching bridge, with hands raised and offering a scroll. It was not my favourite among the lineworks I have completed, but was no worse or better than some I had painted.

So I began as I always do, painting in the sky and background, but the closer I came to painting him, the more things went wrong. By the time I wanted to begin working on him, I knew that I didn't want to paint the picture at all.

For five days I warred with Hermes and in the end he won. The unfinished painting sits here on my desk, and after completing the last nine lineworks, I will redraw him from scratch in a manner I hope and pray that he finds more to his liking.

I find it interesting that I have battled this way with Hermes. He brought me to my knees. He almost made me cry with despair and frustration. I have not felt so low, so scared, or alone for a very long time. I have not doubted my work or my abilities in this way before.

I thought I had burned myself out. This is a concept totally foreign to me and it terrified me to think that I may have pushed myself so hard that I could no longer paint. With this in mind, you can imagine just how nervous I was when I began to paint Poseidon. After five days of warring with Hermes, I was not sure if I could paint anymore. Tis a terrifying thing to contemplate when I've just signed a contract that commits me to painting another seventy-two paintings.

Thankfully Poseidon, the God of the seas, a god of the waters took pity on his heartbroken waterchild. To paint him was akin to being embraced by a warm gentle current; he restored my faith in myself and my work.

I now find myself excited as the last nine lineworks are finished. I have eleven paintings to go and the artwork for the oracle deck is completed. The war with Hermes slowed me down, but thankfully Poseidon has lifted me and strengthened my hands and mind for the coming last few weeks of frantic painting.

And I love the last batch of lineworks. They depict Pandora, Hesphaetus, Hecate, Herackles, Achilles, Perseus, Orpheus and a few others. They all sing to me each and every one.

I have but to paint Hermes again first.

Will he let me? I think so, for this time he will bend to my will. He who is the trickster of the Greek Gods will do as I bid him ...

or else.

My computer froze just as I was trying to post this last evening and I've only just found time to retry this morning. Since originally writing this post, I have begun work on painting the new Hermes picture and I can say with great joy that it is coming along beautifully. He's going to be gorgeous ...

I'm now suspecting that his vanity played a big part in my being unable to paint the other one.

Respect

2008-04-12T13:14:51Z

1. You are a beautiful person. You hide behind the little jokes that it's all about you, brushing aside words of love and praise with a smile and an "of course!" But I know you. I know you to be truly caring, sensitive and selfless, with a heart that is full of love and that cries to be loved. Know that you are loved.

2. I have known you for many years now. You are gentle and compassionate; a empathic and empathetic soul who is both one of the most fragile and strongest people I have ever been blessed to know. I've seen you get angry and I've seen you speak out for something that you believe in, but I've never been witness to your being spiteful or cruel or unjust. In fact, knowing you, not wanting to disappoint you, keeps me in check at times. You have an honesty and sweetness to you which I admire greatly. You have true old-fashioned honour which I respect. One day soon, I hope we can meet, because I am sure I will enjoy spending time with you in the real world as much as I enjoy spending time with you online.

3. Your talent amazes me. Your ability to take on several different mediums and create such amazing art with them is inspiring to me. You are truly gifted and have within you everything you need to become an immensely successful artist. I just wish you knew this too, and could trust in yourself and your abilities a little more than you do. I wish you would not let your doubts chain you, because they are the only thing that holds you back.

4. Sometimes you can be perceived as brusque, because what you write is often short and very much to the point. You do not suffer fools. I know, however, that you are a very shy and gentle person who, while not being a writer, does everything they can to promote a message that will protect and help others from making the mistakes you have made. You live in a land far away from me, but over the years we have become friends who have a mutual respect for each other's work that is not coloured by competition or jealousy. I am awed by the beauty of your work and one of your biggest fans. When you succeed, I am overjoyed, because I feel as if I have succeeded too. I am very proud have you as my friend and blessed to have you in my life because you are one of the few who accept me warts and all.

5. You are my sister -- then, now, and forever. Even when we don't speak for long periods of time, even though I suspect that you may believe I find you dull and uninteresting compared to all of my newer friends, you are in my heart and thoughts always. You are not dull. You are not uninteresting. You are brave. You have made unselfish choices that I could not have made myself. I find your loyalty and your dedication to be qualities lacking in many. They are qualities that make you truly beautiful and someone I will treasure forever.

6. You are another who lives in the same land as I do, although you are still very far away. Knowing you has brought a very quiet and gentle joy into my life. I suspect we have a lot in common. You are also a talented artist whose work has brought joy into my life and has also touched the hearts of those who share my life. Your kindness has given me strength in times when I have needed it. Your friendship is a blessing and all the more cherished for the fact that you give it unasked and unconditionally.

7. One day you will paint for me. Until then, I will continue to watch and be inspired.

8. I admire your ability to forgive. In fact, there are many things about you that I admire and respect -- your creativity, your business acumen, your talent, your inner beauty, your strength, and your courage -- and I don't think I've ever said so because in the past I allowed jealousy to speak for me instead. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that my biggest hope is that you will win the battle you now fight.

9. I think we have a friendship that is quite strong as it continues despite the fact that we have disagreed on matters on more than one occassion. I like having people in my life who are strong and confident enough to voice an opinion they know I am not going to like to hear. You are one of those people and I am so very thankful that you are there forcing me to see things from a different perspective, painting art that is so brave in it's declaration that you, the artist, are capable of thinking outside of the box.

10. You are the only one of your kind in my circle. Your work is different to all of the other artists whom I watch and admire, but I am as passionate in my love for your work as I am for those who paint works that are a more realistic. I find your dedication and commitment to your craft inspiring. Your work makes me and many others smile, and in our often uncaring and cold world, the ability to make others smile is a true gift.

Proud Momma Moment No. 3

2008-04-10T08:10:59Z

Knot Rodney moved into his new tank today, and not only does he love his gnarled piece of grape vine, he also had his first meal with us -- two whole mouse pinkies.

I'm so proud of him. *grins*

Now, back to painting. *sighs*

A Scaly Update: Meet Knot Rodney

2008-04-08T23:50:58Z

*bounces* He's home! He's Home!

I'm not sure if he's actually a he, but for sanity's sake he's going to remain a he until I discover otherwise :)

But Knot Rodney came home to live with us last evening. He's still living in the wee box his breeder kept him in because we were kinda caught unprepared. The tank he is going to be living in is undergoing renovations and is in need of a new lid which my man still needs to make out of the heavy pine board we have leaning against the wall in the hall.

Oh he is a feisty wee begger. I can see I am going to get bit a good number of times before we get him used to being handled. I had to replace the paper in the bottom of his home this morning and was dodging strikes as soon as I opened the lid. In the end I decided to be a chicken and put a leather glove on to protect myself. I'm glad I did, because I saw fangs being used several times.

We've now got him nestled away back in his home. Except for feeding and cleaning, once he is in his new tank we are not going to try and handle him in any way until he gets used to his new home, and the traffic going on around him. We'll give him a week or so to adjust and then slowly introduce him to our 'smell'. Once he's comfortable with that, we will attempt to handle him. *winces* Oh I know I'm going to have teeth marks. I must confess that I am a little nervous. It's like having a cat you know is going to scratch you. You want to pet it and touch it, but you just know you are going to walk away with blood staining your skin.

Anyways, I will persevere. He is only a few months old, and I suspect he's feeling rather small and nervous himself. Time and gentle care will change that. *smiles* I know I've just got to curb my excitement and not rush things.

But oh he is going to make a beautiful subject to photograph. I had to take a photo of him after I cleaned out his poops this morning. He was in a classic 'defensive' pose and was determined to get me if I came any closer.

He's now wrapped around the 'branch' in his hideybox. He's loosely coiled and staring out at me from the shadows. *smiles* It's kinda nice having a wee one here who's not so willing to love. I've been presented with a challenge, and I have a feeling that there will definitely be a blood price to pay before we come to accept each other.

Frustrated

2008-04-07T22:31:45Z

It's morning. I've not yet had breakfast, and I am doing as I always do, i.e. I am sitting here at the computer searching the net for answers to my questions.

My question for the day is -- are there physical real world art galleries here in the Sydney Metropolitan Area who showcase fantasy and mythology based artworks? When I was writing, I was told that to get my work published, I would need to research each of the individual publishers and have a look at their booklist. The books the publisher produced would give me an accurate idea of what they were looking for in an author.

Using the same principles, I have been exploring art galleries, looking at the art they showcase in order to find one that exhibits art that even vaguely resembles my own. What I have discovered so far leaves me feeling something akin to despair.

I have been through Art Almanac from back to front, and while some galleries claim to showcase fantasy work, their idea of what fantasy actually is leaves me scratching my head in confusion. Everything I have looked at could be better categorised as surreal, abstract, or outsider art. Not a single gallery showcased anything that was remotely illustrative or realistic. I not seen a single dragon, faery, or goddess anywhere.

It is so frustrating to want to be taken seriously as an artist, to get a little gallery exposure, to have somewhere my originals can hang, and know that there is nowhere because what I paint is not taken seriously in and by contemporary art circles and organisations.

A childlike painting of a circle with eyes and teeth, with blotches of paint spattered all over it is considered art and yet what I do is not. I would not say that the latter isn't art, but why is the latter art and what I do not art?

I have looked at portrait, landscape, still life, abstract, impressionist, surreal, and dimensional art so far this morning, and only a few times I scratched my head and thought to myself, "That is art???"

The thing is, I don't really discount it as art. When I think that to myself there's usually a "... and mine is not???" tacked on to the end.

I love what I paint. I love fantasy, mythology, and symbology. I want to dwell within those genres forever, but why should that leave me on the outside, forever looking in at the artists who are taken seriously. Even Outsider Art garners more respect and interest.

I'm starting to think that fantasy artists are the true 'outsiders'.

Announcement: New Stock Account

2008-04-07T02:41:59Z

Tis just a small announcement, but one that I'm rather chuffed about. I've been thinking about giving a little back to those who create stock for me by creating stock for them. They are all wonderful models and many of them are artists in their own right, so I thought I would put the photos I have in my personal collection to good use. Instead of being hidden away where nobody can use or see them, why not upload them so others can use them to add the little touches of detail to their own creations.

I usually have my camera out at least several times a month, so the gallery will always have new stocks to use.

Enjoy. Create more magick and Beauty.

xoxo

Artistic Ramblings

2008-04-05T22:26:21Z

I purchased some 'special' pencils today after seeing the beautiful work created by brigidashwood. One silverpoint and one goldpoint pencil should be shipped to me shortly, and when they arrive I will have to learn how to use them. From what I have read, silverpoint work is a rather time-consuming and meticulous process. In many ways, it reminds me of stippling with pen and ink. I miss stippling.

I've been thinking for some time to further focus on doing miniatures as a mental 'holiday' from working on the larger paintings needed for my book and the tarot deck. I'll recommence selling ACEO's on eBay, but I'm also interested in doing other sized miniatures for display and sale in several of the local galleries. Minitures are affordable, less costly to frame, easier to transport, and are a serious 'collectable' and better yet, I really enjoy doing them.

I will most likely offer miniature oil paintings, pen and inks, and now silverpoint drawings as well. Shock of shocks, horror of horrors, I'm not sure if I will be doing 'fantasy' either. I will be focusing more on mythology, celtic knotwork, and symbology.

I'm looking forward to the months ahead. I feel as if I have taken a gigantic leap into the unknown in many ways, but instead of being afraid, I am excited.

Greek Mythology Oracle - Poseidon 1

2008-04-05T02:52:51Z

Well, I've been finished for about half an hour. I didn't get it finished last night as weariness and sleep claimed me first. However, I have still managed to come in under the two day deadline I set for myself. I started the painting at 9pm on Thursday night. I finished at 1.10pm on Saturday, so I came in with just under 8 hours to spare. How cool is that?

As for how many hours the painting took, well, of that I am not too sure. I spent eleven hours working on it yesterday prior to posting, and then spent another six hours yesterday evening, followed by a further 4 hours this morning. *quickly does the math* So, that means I went over the twenty hours by one. *wry grin* I don't think I'll be too hard on myself for that.

Anyways, I will start on another tonight and aim to finish it by tomorrow evening.

Title:Poseidon
Size: 11"x14"
Medium: Acrylics and coloured pencil
Represents: The Unknown

Progress and ...

2008-04-04T06:30:28Z

Poseidon is progressing well. Another third of the artwork has been completed. I could be close to setting a new record for myself by finishing an 11"x14" artwork in less than two days. Of the time that has passed, I have worked upon the painting for a sum total of 11 hours so far. If I finish it in less than 20 hours, then I will have accomplished something rather 'big' for me.

I won't ever be a speed-painter. I'll never finish a painting in a mere handful of hours, but to finish a painting of the size and nature in less than 20 hours? Well, let's just say I'll be feeling rather chuffed. *smiles*

The painting already has the thumbs up from my man. He loves the colours. I do too.

Anyways, wish me luck. *grins*

As for the post below this one, please don't fret about me. I am well, and I am very happy. The post below was not about hurt or anger, but the fact that I am free of feeling hurt and anger at last. I am happy. That being said, the hugs were appreciated :)

THE END

2008-04-03T21:38:06Z

You know, it never fails to surprise me how people will strike out and attack others they have perceived to have hurt them. It matters not who is in the right, or who is in the wrong. All that matters is the dark feeling of bitter satisfaction that comes from laying the stinging lash, in the form of an insult or a slight, across the transgressor's shoulders. The blows are traded back and forth, neither acceding or accepting that they are bound to each other in the present just as much as they were in the past. Instead of joy binding them, bringing them together, it is the anger, the hurt, and the spite that chains them to each other.

Today I felt the sting of such a lash, and for a moment my breath caught in my throat and my anger rose. It would have been so easy. I wanted to perpetuate the hurt and anger, by returning the blow in kind -- a quick angry email would have made me feel better. I too would have felt that dark feeling of bitter satisfaction.

But then the anger died. It just faded. I looked at my life and realised that I was happy. I no longer need this person in any way, shape or form. I do not need their approval. I do not need their support. I do not need their acknowledgement. My life has moved forward, and so has theirs. My life is good, and all the doubts this person instilled within me have been banished. I realised that I have proven to myself that I am more than capable of succeeding where they believe I failed. So instead of retaliating, I am saying a final goodbye. I now know it's over. This is the chapter in which the main character finally understands and lets go of the past completely before going on to triumph.

And I will triumph.

THE END